ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
