I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
