I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
