His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
