Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
