so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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