I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
