Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
