On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
