We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's on the porch naked. Help.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
