he thought i was a dude.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
