I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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