u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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