Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
