whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
