i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
