I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
