Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
