I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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