Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
