Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize