bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
