One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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