Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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