shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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