He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
