I have demons in me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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