Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
