I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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