your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
