and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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