I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
