I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
