Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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