so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
