ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
