I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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