I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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