Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
