I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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