Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
