I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So squirting runs in the family.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
