The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
where does the pee come out of this thing
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
