I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
