is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
