a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
