You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
