That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
