The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
