Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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