I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Drunk is not a location!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
