another moral hangover. fuck.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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