I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
