I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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