all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
