Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
