I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
