whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
