new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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