No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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