I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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