I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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