fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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