wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
