She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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