I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize